this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
