I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
