Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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