i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
