good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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