Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
