I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
