What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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