I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
