Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
