Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
