Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
