Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
