I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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