sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
