dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
