I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
