Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
