how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
