i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
