Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
