I think I won the penis lottery.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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