I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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