Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
