to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
