Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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