you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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