we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
