True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
