I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
