I love black thongs
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
