He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
