how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
