dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
