someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
