Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
