you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
