remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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