There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
