Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I did not marry a roomba.
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