the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
