i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
