Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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