Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
