Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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