I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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