We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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