Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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