We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
