how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
