I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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