Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
