just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
