Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
