I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
