Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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