It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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