Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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