i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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