you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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