Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
