If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
