Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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