I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
