You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
