obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dignity is for republicans.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
