i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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